05 Apr I WANT CHOCOLATE & I WANT STARWARS… AND I WANT IT NOW!!!
…she sobbed, as the exhaustion that had been consistently ignored and pushed down for weeks on end came flooding to the surface in a tidal wave of tears! The sadness, the longing and the loneliness that had broken into my heart during the night, like a bank robber in the dark, and stolen the love, the peace and the joy that most often resides there, outpoured in a barrage of tears, snot and mascara.
I could do nothing but surrender to the assault taking place within me, the internal tantrum of my ‘Inner Child’, as I realised with epiphany exactly what was occurring… how the mental exhaustion of the constant ‘doing’, and giving… and total lack of ‘being’ and receiving, for not just days or weeks on end, but in fact months, had created such an energetic imbalance I was now sitting on the brink of burnout, with no doubt by the emotional outpouring that the slightest tilt to one side would have me tipping the scales and toppling into oblivion. I had been receiving warnings for weeks, messages from my Angels and Higher Self telling me ‘body care, body care’, ‘rest and retreat’, ‘please don’t ignore this warning, take notice without delay’…. But did I listen? No! There were things that needed to be done and my ‘Pusher Self’ was adamant that no one could do them but me…. so just keep going she said, you will be ok she said, we will stop and rest soon, she said… as she ticked another job off the list with a smile of satisfaction and forced down the tiredness and apathy rising to the surface in a warning sign from my Soul.
But today the ‘Pusher Self’ was stopped dead in her tracks as my Inner Child demanded, in no uncertain terms that I STOP, love and nurture her, and find balance before burn out! The profoundness of her existence had me conversing aloud… “I’m so sorry, you’re so right, oh my god, I didn’t realise” And as if there was another person in the room, a voice replied, “It’s not fair… what about me?” “I want chocolate, and I want Starwars and I want it NOW!”… 🙂 🙂 🙂
I remember the first time I met one of my Inner Children. It was years ago now during a Voice Dialogue session (based on Yungian psychology). I was absolutely blown away and even a little freaked out, when I moved to a different chair and the side of me that began speaking was that of a very young little girl. When my facilitator questioned how old I felt, I peeped “4” and sat there with hands covering face, peeking out through my fingers, feeling extremely shy and anxious and unsure whether to giggle or cry! It was one of the most bizarre things I have ever experienced, yet so, so profound! But it was not the 4 year old throwing a tantrum this day, it was my 10 year old, which although still a child energy, is very strong willed and powerful…
Ok, so here’s the thing…. we all have different sides to us! Yes… as scary as it sounds, I guess you could say we are all a bit schizophrenic 🙂 BUT don’t panic just yet…… there is a difference… and that is that we have awareness of these different sides, or some of them at least! I like to explain it this way….. we are all Eternal Beings (Souls) having a human experience… our body is our vehicle to get around in whilst we play ‘the game of life’(if we are eternal, this must be a game, right?!)…. Ok, so think for a moment of your vehicle being a bus. All of the passengers on the bus are the different sides of us, in truth we have so many they wouldn’t all fit on the bus! So anyway, the ‘Selves’ on the bus take it in turns of driving! Some drive the bus a lot, we call these the ‘Primary Selves’, and others hardly get a look in at all! Some are excellent bus drivers whilst others are very, very scary, just like a learner driver!!
Through years of facilitating Voice Dialogue, I have come to realise that whenever a person gets to the point of burnout, breakdown, chronic fatigue etc, it is because one ‘self’ is driving the bus waaaay too much. What needs to take place in order to correct the situation, is for that person to get in touch with an ‘opposite self’ to the ‘bus driver’ and in doing this, restore the balance! For example, in my case on this occasion… my ‘Pusher Self’ had such a strong grip on that steering wheel, she wasn’t giving it up to anybody, in fact, I would say she was in control at least 90% of each day, meaning my mind was on overdrive to the point that I couldn’t sleep at night due to thoughts, ideas, lists, more lists and more lists!!!! Far out!!! Once I realised this, thanks to my Inner Child’s tantrum, and found balance by kicking ‘The Pusher’ to the back of the bus… well actually, I dragged her along behind the bus for a bit, just to teach her a lesson :), buckling my usual ‘primary self’ that knows how to relax, breathe and just BE into the driver’s seat…not only did the feelings of sadness, overwhelm and exhaustion disappear, but the inner peace and positivity were restored almost instantly!
Without self-awareness, we go through life on auto pilot, playing out the programes installed in the software of our central computer (brain), which neuroscientists have discovered is embedded in the psyche by the time we are just 7 years old!! This programming is behind how we behave, treat others, what we believe, what we expect and accept, and can sometimes have us behaving in ways that are detrimental to our health and our life. What’s fantastic about self-awareness is that it gives us choice. Without judgement we can look at who we are and make a conscious decision to stay the same or make change, and when we have the ability to access opposites via a process such as Voice Dialogue, change becomes so much easier. For instance, I have worked with depressed people that discover ‘opposite sides’ of themselves that do not feel the slightest bit depressed, people with chronic anxiety that discover a ‘self’ that is confident and peaceful, control freaks finally able to relax as they discover sides of themselves that allow them to feel safe enough to let go of control, inner critics losing their power as a ‘self-loving, nurturing self’ takes precedence over the driver’s seat!
We are all doing the best we can with the resources we have due to our past programming… Who’s driving your bus? 🙂
In my book I explain exactly how you can discover your subconscious programming and change the negative core beliefs to empowering, positive programs.
If this resonates, you can now pre-order a copy of my book on www.lynnienichols.com .
You will also find a link on the homepage for my free Holistic Healing Video Series which also talks about our subconscious programming as well as healing the emotional, energetic and spiritual bodies.
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