I knew when I embarked on this adventure it would be one of spiritual growth and after 8 years of guiding/assisting others on their journeys via my holistic healing retreats, I longed for this.  I knew that within this recent fear based turmoil there was a lesson to be learned and deep fears and programming to acknowledge and let go of.  For me, the lesson/healing has been so, so clear.  My conscious and subconscious ‘fear of lack’ rising to the surface in shocking waves, triggered by my surrounds in this third world country, the delays and unexpected accommodation expenses and the communication barrier…stopping any forward movement on my behalf, and at times triggering a projection of stinginess that left me feeling ashamed.  I felt distrust in the Balinese people, fearful I would be or was being misguided or scammed.

Not in a long time have I called upon the Angles of Light so regularly for guidance.  And on day 16,  still homeless, and with the only real access into the land a bridge consisting of 5 bamboo poles wired together, unsure as to just how long this may stay the case, a huge healing took place… so much fear, so many tears, so much aloneness, so much awareness , so much gratitude!

By the next morning there had been a shift within me which is so often the case when a complete, and I mean complete emptying of the emotional body takes place.  I felt lighter, I looked lighter, the pain had gone from my heart and the brick taken out of my gut!  For the first time since I landed in this foreign land I felt myself, joyful, inspired, and ready to face whatever it was that lay ahead, one little step at a time.  This emotional release allowed me to see through different eyes as I looked around with gratitude at the stunning nature that surrounds me here and giggled as I lay back in the ‘natural spa’ that had occurred since the heavy rains… what a gift!  I felt inspired to head into town with my Balinese friend to buy fruit trees for my land… avocado, mango, fig, soursop, cocao, papaya, lemon and lime.  My ‘ego mind’ was eased in regards to being ‘ripped off’ as I was made aware that things were not nearly as cheap as I had assumed… this, in my case, was a good thing!  The healing continued as we pulled over to the side of the road to buy papaya and here it was the opposite, a huge papaya for just $1.50!  We bought a bag of cooked yams and stood there on the side of the road, peeling back the skins and devouring them for lunch… $1 a bag!  So simple, so delicious (especially with some of Don Tolman’s 24crt gold Ra Seasalt that accompanies me everywhere ), so good for you, so filling and so cheap!  I felt aware that this whole experience was for my personal growth… a layer of deep bullshit programming that needed to shift in order for me to move one step closer to achieving my deepest desire of being released from past programming and ego stories of the mind!

I realise, more than ever before, just how indoctrinated we in the western world are in regards to ‘material wealth’ and the chronic fear attached to this programming.  Fears that are based more on ‘what others think and expect’ than our own inherent needs and desires!  Now don’t get me wrong here, I am in no way advocating struggle and lack…I know THAT ONE stems from bad, bad programming!  No, as you are aware, I am soooo looking forward to having my beautiful home here in Bali and eventually the same back in Australia…. I believe it is our birth right as a human being to have a beautiful abundant life… what I am saying is “how much do we really need in order to feel safe?  How much do we REALLY need, especially if the process of accumulation is not enjoyable and keeping us in a state of fear, stress, pain and emotional turmoil, just going through the daily motions, afraid to ‘get off the wheel’ for fear of losing all that we have worked so hard and stressed so much about accumulating in the first place!”

What I see so profoundly through my own personal journey these past weeks is that the ‘ego mind’ and its crazy-ass fear based stories are keeping so many people living in a state of sufferance emotionally, spiritually and unfortunately, physically.  Yep, those stress based headaches, body aches, pains and heaviness eventually manifesting into dis-ease within the physical body!

So, with these fear based stories ranting 24 hours a day, 7 days a week on a subconscious level, the opposite is also occurring.  We are actually creating blockages to abundance!  It may just be that if we took one more little baby step a whole ‘other level’ of abundance would open up for us, yet we never get to know because the fear of loss is just too great to bear.  There’s a very powerful saying that goes… “nature abhors a vortex”… meaning if you create some space, nature ‘has’ to fill it, you are actually creating an opportunity for new amazingness to flow in.  For most however, it is much safer to ‘make do’ and keep working like a slave, and that is exactly what we are, slaves to our Ego Mind!

What’s crazy is that this programming is a double edged sword!  On one hand it is the very reason we push ourselves to ‘sickness’ and yet on the other, it is actually blocking the flow of abundance, making even more reason why (in the mind) we need to keep working like a slave!  These blockages keep us in a state of mediocre, never really contemplating the possibility of just how much amazingness we can really create and how many lives we can truly touch.

Sooo, with those revelations well and truly felt and realised, in this Chinese Year Of The Rooster, this numerology number 1 year (year of new beginnings) I have made the decision to be vigilant to my fear based programming, to monitor my thoughts and make the conscious effort to re-programme my mind through daily affirmations and meditation.  Neuro scientists say it takes 30-200 days to re-programme the central computer, so I am now on my way to letting go of the bullshit barriers that are typically the result of generationally passed down teachings.

In this stunning paradise I, for now at least, call home, spring water runs in abundance from the taps, lush volcanic soils nourish the garden, jungle vegetation creates the most serene peacefulness, heart centred like-minds work toward the same vision of a supportive, sustainable little existence, and with fear locked away for now (it’s a persistent little sucker!!) I move forward with my warung plans.  Cushions and bamboo mats are in the making as are kitchen benches and wooden blinds to keep out the weather.  It will then be off to Denpasar to purchase the cooktop for my signature breakfast ‘rosemary eggs’ , my dehydrator and fermenting jars, a coffee machine, fridges etc… along with my bed and bath if I have a house by then

Plans are now well and truly under way for my first 9 day Holistic Healing Retreat to be held at the stunning Poinciana Resort in Gretek in August, and my like-minded ‘Sister’ on the land and I have just completed co-creating an amazing water fasting retreat package that will be held right here in paradise in July.  Packages for both retreats are now on my website www.lynnienichols.com/retreats.

The Holistic Healing Retreat will be held similarly to those I have been facilitating in Australia these past 8 years but for a few days longer- a 9 night/10 day holistic package of raw food, juice fasting with the option to water fast, holistic health discussions including natures signature foods that act like medicine to each particular body part/organ, emotional healing, voice dialogue, life-coaching, daily yoga/gentle exercise, meditation and sound healing via didgeridoo and crystal bowl via beach camp-fire, healing massages that work on releasing blockages of the meridians… and being Bali we also get to indulge in extra amazingness such as a sunrise dolphin cruise, a guided jungle waterfall excursion to learn about the healing plants in abundance here, a soak in the thermal hot springs of Mt Batur, a High Priestess Blessing and a taste of Ubud’s amazing raw foods!  My first retreat will be an intimate gathering of 5 or 6 guests only so please let me know if you are interested in joining us for this.

The Water Fasting Retreat will run over 12 days beginning with one day of raw food followed by juice fasting for two days, moving into 7 days on pristine highly electrified spring water and then two days of juice and raw foods to integrate back into normality.  This will be facilitated by myself (completed 8 x 10 day water fasts and many smaller fasts) and Tuuli who has, incredibly, completed 2 x 40 day fasts and many smaller fasts, so you will be well supported!  I always say that my 10 day water fasts are as much an emotional detox as a physical one, so our package includes emotional healing, life coaching, voice dialogue self-awareness, camp fires and sound healing via didgeridoo and crystal singing bowl, massages, yoga and meditation, a hot thermal spring soak ….and nature, nature, and more nature including our stunning waterfall just a little walk up the track from the accommodation!  We are only offering 5 places for this retreat and the price is a one-time introductory price only, so please let me know if you are interested in attending this one.

So there you have it, the un-sugar coated version of the last 5 weeks of my life!  Today I feel amazing, being present, moving forward with plans…appreciating with so much gratitude this incredible opportunity to live in paradise, where a visit to my neighbour means trudging up a meandering path, over rocks along the river, through the jungle with a torch for a night time fire to share some laughs, my raw chocolate and tea, or a didgeridoo session around a full moon fire!  Where a walk to the beach and morning local market has me giggling with the locals as they try to understand my limited Indonesian ( I am improving every day though and I love learning this new language) and supplies me with enough yams and sweet potato to feed 5 at a cost of $2…AND YET a few days ago I was walking the streets of Ubud looking for someone to fix my computer, feeling totally alone and overwhelmed, crying like a baby haha.  I have a feeling this may be the story of my life for a little while longer yet as I get to know my way around and settle into this new life!  But you know me, these emotions are better out than in so if I need to chuck a little tanty or have a good ol’ cry now and then… so be it! 

It’s so interesting … I told a man the other day that I have packed up my ‘other life and left it in a shipping container’ along with the most amazing family and friends and clients a girl could ever wish for (I made sure I told him they were not in the container though ) and he still questioned me as to “what I was running from”.  I rest my case re fear based programming… I mean, I couldn’t possibly be following my dream and going on the adventure of my life now could I?

As I watched a flock of birds on the beach this morning ‘being’ with the ebb and flow of the ocean tides… not questioning, not worrying, not trying to work it out… just going with the organic flow of life, merging and moving together as one, a pang of sadness shot through my heart, a sadness for the knowledge of how far from truth we as a human race have strayed.  Amongst the Terns I noticed a single Seagull and couldn’t help but smile knowing that for many years, I, like many others, have felt like that solitary gull and yet today, just like the saying ‘birds of a feather flock together,’ all around the world, people of similar vibration are connecting and even gathering, in order to ‘be the change,’ ecstatic to be cutting free from the ‘old ways’ of consumerism and materialism, awakened to the lies and deception, the false teachings that have been embedded into our psyche by our so called education system which in truth is nothing more than indoctrination via chant memorising!  When have we ever been offered the opportunity to think, feel and question what those in power are saying/teaching without fear of ridicule or punishment, when have we ever been given a choice as to what ‘feels’ right or wrong, what feels like truth?  From birth to 7 years old we are like absorbent sponges on an ocean shore, sucking up every drop of information washed over us, until just like that sponge when the tide comes in, we are saturated with beliefs and programs that are a culmination of man-made rules, regulations and lies, with a little bit of truth thrown in just for good luck!

Just like the software of a computer, this indoctrination via chant memory has become the basis of our belief system, the subconscious programming of our mind that runs on autopilot 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, attracting to us, people and situations to affirm our fear based negative core beliefs, keeping us small and in constant need to try and control every aspect (or person) in our life in order to feel safe… and in this, losing all sense of what it is like to live from truth, intuitively, organically, going with the flow of life like that flock of birds on the beach and every other native instinctive animal.

Unknowingly, our minds have become sick (the real cause of disease) with negative beliefs about ourselves- the way we must look and act in order to be worthy of love, the material objects we must possess in order to be good enough and accepted by the masses, along with the deceptive belief that we are powerless victims of a cruel, cruel world which in truth, could not be further from the truth, if only we realised the extent of our true potential.  We have been indoctrinated, manipulated and trained, just like a domesticated animal, doing as we are told even if this does not feel right, for threats and fear of consequences such as losing allowances or material wealth or much worse, all in the name of those in power having even more control and power over us as they line their pockets with greed!

Well, those times are coming to an end thank goodness, but in order for that to happen, it is said there will be a time of darkness such as what is taking place in the world right now.  Just know that it must be this way in order to push those with their eyes shut tight to awaken, and begin questioning the integrity and authenticity of their beliefs and governing systems, as the collective consciousness of our Soul’s beg to be free from the chains that have kept us slaves to our physicality for so long.  Don’t buy into the fear, this will only feed the chaos, instead, focus on all that you have to be grateful for.  Love and be loved, give thanks to Mothers Angels of AFEW, the air that is the very breath of life, the sun that sends golden rays of galactic intelligence to every cell and molecule of your being and is the very substance of life on earth, the earth that provides us with a place to call home and plants that feed our bodies with nutrients, and the water that nourishes and cleanses our body and Soul.

Allow gratitude to emanate out to the world as unconditional love and forgiveness, and in doing so you will begin to ebb and flow with the tides of life and fly freely with the winds of change, just as the Universe intended.

I could do nothing but surrender to the assault taking place within me, the internal tantrum of my ‘Inner Child’, as I realised with epiphany exactly what was occurring… how the mental exhaustion of the constant ‘doing’, and giving… and total lack of ‘being’ and receiving, for not just days or weeks on end, but in fact months, had created such an energetic imbalance I was now sitting on the brink of burnout, with no doubt by the emotional outpouring that the slightest tilt to one side would have me tipping the scales and toppling into oblivion.  I had been receiving warnings for weeks, messages from my Angels and Higher Self telling me ‘body care, body care’, ‘rest and retreat’, ‘please don’t ignore this warning, take notice without delay’…. But did I listen?  No!  There were things that needed to be done and my ‘Pusher Self’ was adamant that no one could do them but me…. so just keep going she said, you will be ok she said, we will stop and rest soon, she said… as she ticked another job off the list with a smile of satisfaction and forced down the tiredness and apathy rising to the surface in a warning sign from my Soul.

But today the ‘Pusher Self’ was stopped dead in her tracks as my Inner Child demanded, in no uncertain terms that I STOP, love and nurture her, and find balance before burn out! The profoundness of her existence had me conversing aloud… “I’m so sorry, you’re so right, oh my god, I didn’t realise” And as if there was another person in the room, a voice replied, “It’s not fair… what about me?”  “I want chocolate, and I want Starwars and I want it NOW!”…  

I remember the first time I met one of my Inner Children.  It was years ago now during a Voice Dialogue session (based on Yungian psychology).  I was absolutely blown away and even a little freaked out, when I moved to a different chair and the side of me that began speaking was that of a very young little girl.  When my facilitator questioned how old I felt, I peeped “4” and sat there with hands covering face, peeking out through my fingers, feeling extremely shy and anxious and unsure whether to giggle or cry!  It was one of the most bizarre things I have ever experienced, yet so, so profound!  But it was not the 4 year old throwing a tantrum this day, it was my 10 year old, which although still a child energy, is very strong willed and powerful…

Ok, so here’s the thing…. we all have different sides to us!  Yes… as scary as it sounds, I guess you could say we are all a bit schizophrenic BUT don’t panic just yet…… there is a difference… and that is that we have awareness of these different sides, or some of them at least!  I like to explain it this way….. we are all Eternal Beings (Souls) having a human experience… our body is our vehicle to get around in whilst we play ‘the game of life’(if we are eternal, this must be a game, right?!)…. Ok, so think for a moment of your vehicle being a bus.  All of the passengers on the bus are the different sides of us, in truth we have so many they wouldn’t all fit on the bus!  So anyway, the ‘Selves’ on the bus take it in turns of driving!  Some drive the bus a lot, we call these the ‘Primary Selves’, and others hardly get a look in at all!  Some are excellent bus drivers whilst others are very, very scary, just like a learner driver!!

Through years of facilitating Voice Dialogue, I have come to realise that whenever a person gets to the point of burnout, breakdown, chronic fatigue etc, it is because one ‘self’ is driving the bus waaaay too much.  What needs to take place in order to correct the situation, is for that person to get in touch with an ‘opposite self’ to the ‘bus driver’ and in doing this, restore the balance!  For example, in my case on this occasion… my ‘Pusher Self’ had such a strong grip on that steering wheel, she wasn’t giving it up to anybody, in fact, I would say she was in control at least 90% of each day, meaning my mind was on overdrive to the point that I couldn’t sleep at night due to thoughts, ideas, lists, more lists and more lists!!!!  Far out!!!  Once I realised this, thanks to my Inner Child’s tantrum, and found balance by kicking ‘The Pusher’ to the back of the bus… well actually, I dragged her along behind the bus for a bit, just to teach her a lesson :), buckling my usual ‘primary self’ that knows how to relax, breathe and just BE into the driver’s seat…not only did the feelings of sadness, overwhelm and exhaustion disappear, but the inner peace and positivity were restored almost instantly!

Without self-awareness, we go through life on auto pilot, playing out the programes installed in the software of our central computer (brain), which neuroscientists have discovered is embedded in the psyche by the time we are just 7 years old!!  This programming is behind how we behave, treat others, what we believe, what we expect and accept, and can sometimes have us behaving in ways that are detrimental to our health and our life.  What’s fantastic about self-awareness is that it gives us choice.  Without judgement we can look at who we are and make a conscious decision to stay the same or make change, and when we have the ability to access opposites via a process such as Voice Dialogue, change becomes so much easier.  For instance, I have worked with depressed people that discover ‘opposite sides’ of themselves that do not feel the slightest bit depressed, people with chronic anxiety that discover a ‘self’ that is confident and peaceful, control freaks finally able to relax as they discover sides of themselves that allow them to feel safe enough to let go of control, inner critics losing their power as a ‘self-loving, nurturing self’ takes precedence over the driver’s seat!

We are all doing the best we can with the resources we have due to our past programming…  Who’s driving your bus? 

In my book I explain exactly how you can discover your subconscious programming and change the negative core beliefs to empowering, positive programs.

If this resonates, you can now pre-order a copy of my book on www.lynnienichols.com .

You will also find a link on the homepage for my free Holistic Healing Video Series which also talks about our subconscious programming as well as healing the emotional, energetic and spiritual bodies.